When I look back, people I loved, I cared, I wanted to be with them. When I look back I don’t see any possibilities but an immense emptiness or a never ending shores, a fall towards cloud. A call upwards.
In love, the physical aspects of it, when people find one and lose them, some avoid each other, the path they have walked, the songs they have listened, dreams they have created in the castle of sands. In love, there are so many possibilities, even getting back together.
I have been scared of love. I want to love and want someone to love me, but that’s the sand still in my pocket I made a starfish with it, and let it swim, never building the castle I am capable of building.
The building Now I live in, made of pure concrete and iron bars, stronghold no earthquake can shake. The box window, the bed. i tried redecorating, Moving my 7hours rest from corner to corner. It’s hard living with it, memories the smell of it, the empty cold concrete extension where my white Morpheus once sat with me, no white smoke can replace it.
Not even the concrete Grave I forget to look everyday. I forget to mourn.
My brother, his cold lifeless absence is here, facing me every single second. I have covered the red with blues and white with yellows, sealed the hollow in my hope with new hope, I will meet him somewhere.
When I look back, I see my brother and I, sitting here. And I see it everywhere since he is gone.
Me and the empty window
And I don’t have a choice
To avoid his physicality for the words we have shared, songs we have listened, paths we have walked none exist ever anymore and I am cursed, cursed with the path of non-existence.
-do you know how much it hurts
Not seeing you here
I think you know.