What does my tattoo mean?

I was holding my brother’s hand
Paw,
To be precise
Around this time
Years ago
He was lying
Senseless
Paralyzed
The very last time I cried
Then my mother sent me away
From him

I will sleep today
Like I did
Years ago
And wake up
He wouldn’t be here
Since then
He isn’t ever here

I lied to a friend
Couple of days ago
He wanted to go on a trip
With me for few days
I wanted to return early
Making excuses
Tomorrow is my day
I don’t wanna see anyone
Waking up next to me
Smiling
Confronting
Hugging or talking

Just the tattoo
On my left arm
My brother’s paw print
The paw I was holding
The very last attachment
I ever had
With a life
Before it was gone

It’s getting dark here
Our canvas printed photo
Is barely visible
I am barely visible
Double locking my doors
My brother would have scratched it
My doors
If he was here
Just to make sure I was okay
I was here
Darkness never bothered us

Last few years
He couldn’t even see properly
His beautiful black eyeballs
Turned gray
And then white
Like night,
Turns into morning

Like tomorrow

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Durga

Someone Burned the goddess
Her Plastic hair
Polyester saree
And body made of clay

A woman was worshipping
Holding an oil lamp
My mum cursed her
“What was she doing there
The Goddess isn’t alive yet”

Some human
From some particular class
Will read some particular texts
To set life in that clay model
In plastic hair

Few meters away
The lady who accidentally set fire
On the Goddess
Yet to get life
Her husband is beating her
Cursing her

The goddess got burned
And her Plastic hair
Cheap polyester Saree
Everyone ran
Towards the pandal
Passing the perpetrator
Crossing her house
Leaving her
With the punishment she deserved
For worshipping a goddess
Not alive yet

And will never be.

Paradise Lost

Have I ever mentioned
That I hate Los Angeles
The city of Angels
Where the Sun shine bright
Red Orange like hell
Lucifer
Morningstar

I always believed
Sun is our Morningstar
The Creator of life
Us
Humans

Have I ever mentioned
I hate that beautiful hell
It has everything
None can find one single thing
Lacking the City of Angels

Just no wings
Lucifer lost it
Sometimes ago
Maybe a long time ago
And all the keepers
Of its feathers
Are almost gone too
Lost the war

God needed a place
To make hell

Husband

I don’t know how does it feel
In reality
In dreams
It felt beautiful
I stopped there,
Thinking of some better word
Foreign and more appropriate

Marrying someone
Someone who doesn’t understand you
I could feel I had to let him go

I saw him holding me
In a rooftop doesn’t belong to us
He, Didn’t understand why I do
What I do
He, leaving me
Giving space
With the look in his eyes
“I will be waiting
Downstairs
Of the roof and your high life”

I stopped there
Thinking of some better word
Foreign and more appropriate
But in his eyes,
“Beautiful” would do
Or no words

My mum woke me up,
With bed tea
Very British
And I lost my stairs
Way down
Where he is waiting
With the look in his eyes
-“I am yours”

Rail Gates

There was this rail gate
Near my mother’s home
“Mama bari”
That’s what we call in Bengali
My maternal Uncle’s home
Not my mother’s
Anymore

I was crossing the rail gate
Of my home
My impossible kids
Will never have
A maternal home
“My home”
Or not mine anymore

The rail gate next to my mother’s house
The gate keeper will shut the gate
When there are two trains
Supposed to pass
One up and one down

Even if the gap between two trains
Are thirty minutes
It will remain closed
I used to see
Pedestrian cursing
Drivers almost breaking the gate
Rikshaw pullers charging extra money
For waiting

I was late
The railgate next to my home
It was open
It takes two minutes to reach
From railgate
To station
So I took slow pace
With my heavy bags
Then I heard train
Honking

I ran,
The train waited a few seconds more
For me
Something must have changed
For few seconds,
Or for thirty minutes
People got late
Here and some dozen miles away

All faults
Must go to the rail Gates
For waiting
For getting late
And different gate keepers

Twins, Sisters, yes we are

Southern avenue

My orange ice lolly
And her ice cream cone
And our pointless search fo murals
On walls
At a street
Starts with iron bars
Ends with it

From one edge to the other
How many steps we had taken?
I don’t remember,
I remember my confession
“Being with you
Makes me happy
No other can replace that”

I love the way her expert hand
Making a blunt
At street full of street lights
Few meters away from the place
I first time got stoned

Surrounded by at least thirty cops
Me frozen
She holding weed
One step away
From Jail
We laughed
On a concrete step,
Dirty, uncomfortable

We laughed
Like our college days
Breathless
Without pretension

Few meters away
From the bed I thought I loved
Soft and comfortable
My arse never hurt there
And new Friends

Hosts and guests,
Dirty uncomfortable steps
Next to a quiet street
Doesn’t know who is who
We are all the same
Me and her

I think I found a new favorite place
A new favorite bed
Where my “me” doesn’t hurt

Our tired legs needed rest
And I needed my favorite blanket
Her,
Covering me
Saving me from manmade cold

I laughed like I am finally home
And I am not scared
To let go a few words
When I am stoned.

Jadabpur University

My mum called
She was worried
That I missed the train from work
A place
With political violence
And religious intolerance
“I am at jadabpur
For some work”
I said, assuring her
“I will be late”

For some work.
Watching fireflies
At night
In a quiet place
Called mushroom park
That’s what my Friend said
Will anyone call it work?
The most important thing
I did today.

There was this wooden bridge
Broken
Unusable
Behind us, me and my friend
And his tees
“Time stops”

I could feel the bridge
Being built
And falling apart
I could hear the sounds
Of the broken bridge
The rhythm in the still water
And the leaves of water Lilly
Guiding the hollow
Of the bridge
Making sure
That I don’t fall

They know me very well
Why and how?
Let’s not talk about that.
My friend said me to let go
Let go a few things
Words becoming my greed
In darkness,
Who can see words?

– Silence and a Galaxy without time.

Religious holidays

The reason I panic when I am stoned
I see so many things
But cannot note it down properly,
I see so many things all together
All are important
And I feel like I will forget
When I will wake up.

I do forget a little bit,
Rest I remember
Some Random Access Memories
Then I feel like
Let it be

What’s the point in keeping notes
It will come back
Next time I smoke

Science,
I can access my brain
I little more.
But lesser I do
It’s better for people like us
Socially awkward atoms
We do need to fit in

Our holidays full of religion
Science doesn’t get any off day

Third Time

I can see my eyes
Changing colours
Turning bright red
Like dawn, I have never seen before
I haven’t noticed that
With friends before
I thought
I was afraid
Of being alone
Until I smoked alone
Now I see
My phone is going away
Whilst I am typing
Like I am leaving earth,
The earth is getting smaller
And I am finally nowhere

My Earth,
I think it’s everyone’s earth now,
Our cell phones

I wrote a poem about
Digital friends
On my notebook papers
Whilst playing dinosaurs game
At my office
Digital friends
Our world
How comfortably going away
And how happy I am
Alone.

Yes,
I think I should stop smoking
And let my dumb brain decides
And just go back to nicotine

Or maybe just let my phone,
Finally slip away…….

Diamond Harbour Local

These days
I can’t stop writing
Like I am cursed
By the muse
I have captured
And dream himself

I met a little girl
In train
The girl almost died
Leaning over train window
The window shutter dropped
Suddenly
The exact moment
She moved
From the window

She was struggling
With her digital watch
Someone asked her
What is the time
She said,
I don’t know
I wore this watch for the lights
Inside it
Not for the time

I had to get down,
Seeing the girl
For the last time
Death doesn’t bother her
Neither the time

Lights,
These days
I can’t stop seeing things
Like I am blessed
By the time
For not existing
I am wearing it
Like the little girl
Unaware of the brightness
Of nights.