When I was walking, alone with the last light of the day. And looked at the sky, toward the tired sinking sun, or towards some fading illumination, I realised what was wrong with me. The sun and I seem very similar from there, tired, cornered, and yet, we both wanted to sink and dissolve in the darkness more and more.
You know, when you are happy, people loves you, people love your smile, your amusing, bright, glowing eyes, face. Your warmth. And when you are sad, miserable, frightened, people will have their own parsonal opinion about you, that, “you have changed”. Why couldn’t they tried considering that was a part of you?
And it happened with Me. All the time, dealing with my pain, my agony alone, so alone that no one even know the burn. Tried easing my pain so badly, that now I am a funny cheery person to all, no one will ever and no one ever did turn back to see me. Neither did I. How could I? I needed to be happy, desperately happy.
They say, he is Morningstar, Lucifer Morningstar. I looked at the setting sun. Is it him? Star of the morning? Yes of course he is. And he burns. The bringer of the light. I wonder, what would happen if he ever stop burning. The morning would never come. And no one will call him a Morningstar. So the hell is the sun?
After a few minutes, it was dark. The time of faith and fear at last arrived, and I had to get back home, I just liked it this way, liked the darkness after light, like I was at heaven, and there was no clash between heaven and hell there, they stood side by side, like our so called contradictory nature of being happy and sad. And I realised, both are so pretty, and yet, we choose to understand the happiness, we don’t even need much word to describe it. But we don’t try, literally deny trying understand the beauty of the sadness. What we feel, why we feel, those lost people, and blunders, those mistakes, pain, if we could understand, and accept as a part of our normal unchanged sane personality. And we could cry together, like we laughed together. We didn’t need to feel so alone. We didn’t need to wait for the morning to come and make us busy from thoughts or for nights to dream happy eyes closed.
For the time being, now, right now, I am not happy, I am sad, and it’s so beautifully creating this delirious pattern, and colourful image, For now I just want to be cornered and see the whole room from there and it’s better visible.
I don’t want to tell what happened, or I may never tell. It doesn’t matter if it’s dark or full of lights.
The colours of everything will remain same.