Love scares me

I saw my dad die


Inside a morgue drawer

His body

Scars everywhere

Like dry land

Then I woke up

In another dream.

I saw the doctor

Demonstrating how he screamed

All night

Before he died

Covered in blood

His face and arm

Like ground meat

And I woke up again

In another one.

Found myself crying

And found the guy

I hated most in recent time

Around me consoling me

Making me anxious

Out of breathe.
Finally woke up

In reality

My Dad was alive,

And the guy wasn’t there

And I was breathing

Just fine.
Never loved my father 

The way I wanted 

To love a father

To have a father

It’s scary I know

More scary is my capabilities of love

What I felt for a person who wasn’t ever here

Mentally, physically, financially, legally

What will I do if I ever have one


To love back

I think I will probably never wake up

Or wake up

From the dream of reality

To death

Or life I never had.


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