Dead skins

I had a nice shower,

 and let you go.

Isn’t that beautiful?

Like I washed you off my skin.
But don’t you know? 

Most of the dirt in our body 

Is made of our own dead skins.

Don’t worry, you will come back again.

Making me dirty. Making me stinky.
And i will have another nice shower.

Something is wrong

After a long time i don’t feel hungry​ today.

For three days, 

I am not taking shower at afternoon.

Last two days were evening, 

Today i just had a nice shower before sleep.
After a long time I am sleepy today.

I had this habit of sleeping early,

Eating early, waking up early and other healthy stuff.

Which was gone for some reason, 

Maybe i should blame my allergy medication,

Which i had to take for eczema or something like that,

Due to central air conditioning system of my office.
After a long time i am not wearing a bottom wear, 

Like the short i wear generally.

I like wearing my knickers,

With a long boys t-shirt, long enough to hide my butt.

I am a bit insecure about the darker shade

Of where my buttock has ended and legs has strated.

Do we have a name for that place?

Or just a darker place maybe. 

Though i never know why I am insecure about it.
My breasts doesn’t hurt today,

But the lump thingy is still there.

I am too​ scared to go to the doctors

Because most certainly he will tell me to wear a bra for support.

I never liked bra. 

I don’t like anything touching or holding my breasts.

Sometimes i feel maybe its not my physical discomfort.

Maybe its because I don’t like my breasts.

And Everytime i wear something to support it,

It feels like it’s there.

Like a reminder, of past.

Well that’s my burden to share.
After a long time i am writing about me. 

Not my brother. 

I am scared, I don’t wanna move on. 

I have nothing else but my brother.

Can anyone move on against their will?

Do i have a split personality?

One is overpowering another?
I need to sleep.

After a long time i can’t sleep.

Or its maybe the first time.

Few Yesterdays 

Yesterday, 

I met a friend.

We had conversations about stuff,

Like the usual one. 
Yesterday I met a friend

Who in between all the talks asked me

How do i keep my calm.
And i said I am always calm.
Many yesterdays ago,

I had you, 

When i was sad,

The whole world lightened up

The whole sadness turned to happiness

When we sat together, without words.
Many yesterdays ago you were gone.

So gone that never came back home.
I wrote some poem about it,

Sometimes drew some pictures

Picture of us sitting together like we used to.

Sometimes i believed you don’t exist anymore.

And try hard to be alone.
Few yesterdays ago i found you again.

You were there in The silence. 
And that’s how I keep my calm.

You are my calm. 

How will i ever leave you? 

How will i ever lose you?